blueswoman’s blues

    I have a spur. I wish
it were a spur of the moment, but no… it’s a spur. As my doctor said, “may pangil ka sa
paa.” And as that jologing (kumbaga sa
uhuging) FM station shrieks out, “It hurts, you know, it hurts.”

    There it was on my x-ray results – a protrusion on my left heel. A quick ”googling” yielded this
definition: “A heel spur is a
hook of bone that forms on the bone at the back of the foot.”

    My friend didn’t believe it was like a bone that grew. But there it is in that definition – “hook of
bone that FORMS.” He thinks it’s
probably a ligament or a growth or mass or something, but not a bone. Well, I am prone to developing mass in my
body – like the tumor in my uterus or some other mass in my ovary. My activist friends would be happy to know
I’m still mass-oriented. (Likewise, my
religious friends would do, too – although the mass grows in me.)

    Lately, the heel spur is causing me fatigue more than the
pollution or sudden heat or medication or… heaven forbid… perimenopause! And I can’t buy good shoes yet because of
lack of resources… whine, whine… and because I really need to earn, I’ve been
going out a lot for meetings and other work-related stuff. That causes me more
pain. A prospective regular job may
drastically change my lifestyle and wardrobe. I might enter a company with a corporate set-up (a first for me!). I wish I could afford good orthopedic
shoes. And yet, I dread buying
orthopedic shoes because they look so… orthopedic. The only ortho-friendly kinds are rubber
shoes, and that job seems to look down upon rubber shoes. My doctor advised me to wear rubber shoes
only, though.

    I’ve always lived the life of a freelancer and avoided the
corporate set-up probably because of the demands on wardrobe, footwear and
make-up. Fortunately (?) and
coincidentally, my herniated disc (and slight scoliosis and now, my heel spur)
cooperated and gave me the perfect excuse for not wearing heels and other
uncomfortable shoes. I am such a rebel
of fashion that I now dread the possibility of being reinvented for the job
(kung matuloy).

    But then, I also like good funky fashion… And I also believe
that reinvention is good. Make-over is
fine. But there has to be something
about me in it or else it would look so “pilit.” I wish they would repackage me
as a closet rocker (which I am). A funky
corporate girl who loves to watch rock bands. Anyway, they have to consider my left foot and my back… otherwise, if I
will be forced to wear heels, I might as well leave. Haha! This will be the first time people will hear
of a person who resigned from her job on account of her left foot. Daniel Day Lewis, move over…

    Oxford Wordfinder defines spur also as a stimulus or incentive. Right now, the incentive is the necessity for
a regular income. So I guess I have to earn a lot to find good orthopaedic
shoes that are funky and stylish, while trying the corporate life. Meanwhile, i have to tire my feet looking for
them!